Yesterday (Wednesday, May 23rd 2007), I was on my way to Otto & Trouble's house when I decided to stop by the local Border's bookstore to pick up a copy of My Tank is Fight! As I walked past the shelves of books something low to the ground caught my attention. I almost missed him, but the pure intensity of this diminutive figure drew my attention. There in the military history section, intently studying a copy of Panzer Leader stood the mighty PanzerPenguin. I approached him with reservation, knowing the ramifications that even a slight breach in protocol might earn me. Fortunately he was in quite an amicable mood and he agreed to an interview with me. What follows is a transcript of my interview with the PanzerPenguin at the in-store Borders cafe. I had a Diet Coke; he had a tuna fish sandwich and an orange Fanta. This is the first part of a two part interview; I'll post part two when I get the time to type it up.

[Peppy] - Hello.

[der PanzerPenguin] - Good Afternoon.

[Peppy] - It's a pleasure to meet you, I've heard a great deal about you, but this is the first time I've ever seen you. I'm assuming this means you live in Chicago?

[der PanzerPenguin] - Not at all, I'm just visiting. I was conducting a little research on members of the WWII Forums.

[Peppy] - Research? Who were you looking at?

[der PanzerPenguin] - I don't particularly like to discuss my research, but I was looking into Otto, your Commander in Chief.

[Peppy] - Otto! Really? Is there anything in particular he has done wrong?

[der PanzerPenguin] - No, but I conduct due diligence investigation on all members of the WWII Forums, staring at the top with your Commander. No one escapes my scrutiny, especially the OKF. I would be derelict in my duties if I did not clear Otto, fortunately for him he has conducted himself with dignity and honor over these past seven plus years.

[Peppy] - I see. And what if there had not "conducted himself with dignity and honor"?

[der PanzerPenguin] - (he strokes the mp40 slung over his shoulder with a wing) I would have had to take...action.

[Peppy] - Er...I see. Did you also take a look at Otto's other half who goes by "Trouble" on the Forums?

[der PanzerPenguin] - Indeed I did. She's a beautiful and charming lady, a great addition to the Forums.

[Peppy] - Does this mean then that all the OKF will be 'researched'?

[der PanzerPenguin] - Yes it does, but judging by their history I don't foresee any surprises.

[Peppy] - That included me as well?

[der PanzerPenguin] - Yes it does. I have just finished with your background check. You have quite an non-conventional posting style, what with your common use of the first person and all. You do however possess adequate artistic and graphics skills, all in all a very solid member, despite a very low rate of posts, only 1 post every 4 days or so. In any case if you didn't meet my standards you wouldn't be here to have this conversation with me.

[Peppy] - (I take a deep breath) Err...well...thank you then.

[der PanzerPenguin] - No thanks are necessary; I'm just doing what needs to be done.

[Peppy] - Moving on then, you said you were visiting Chicago, where then do you live?

[der PanzerPenguin] - I travel very often, as there are always trolls vanquish, so I'm rarely at home. Between operations I refit, rest and recuperate at my home base, Festung Panzer. It is located "somewhere in Antarctica."

[Peppy] - Yes we have a photo of you around here in front of Fortress Panzer. I like the monocle.

[der PanzerPenguin] - I am not concerned with style; I am concerned with the utility of my mission: Justice for all internet users.

[Peppy] - Where or when did this mission, justice for all internet users come from.

[der PanzerPenguin] - It all stems from those bloody emperor penguins.

[Peppy] - Emperor penguins? I'm not sure I understand.

[der PanzerPenguin] - (he takes another bite of his sandwich before answering, chewing intently) You see Emperor Penguins are the largest penguins in the world, and those egomaniacs strut around like they own Antarctica. I'm what is known as a Blue Penguin, we are the very smallest of our species. Many, many years ago I was born into a village where we Blues were abused and discriminated against by the emperors. I spent my youth in fear of these emperors; they would eat all the tasty crabs and other crustaceans and leave us with all of the low quality fish. I mean, they didn't even leave us any of those lousy jellyfish or squid...

[Peppy] - Man that sucks, I love calamari!

[der PanzerPenguin] - Indeed. Anyways I had to take it upon myself to even the scales. I spent years studying military tactics, strategy and leadership. What we lacked in size we made up for in training, tactics and ferocity. We showed those emperors why they have yellow streaks behind their ears!

[Peppy] - So you went to war with the emperors?

[der PanzerPenguin] - It was a short campaign, and they had no idea what they were up against, it was all over in just 16 days. To prevent future conflicts, we agreed upon a just peace, more Marshall Plan and less Treaty of Versailles. It became known as the Antarctic Penguin Peace Pact, it established a peace that survives today.

[Peppy] - So how did this lead to you taking things in hand at the WWII Forums?

[der PanzerPenguin] - I was born into injustice. I spent my entire formative life experiencing it. As a result, I tained myself to fight aggression and injustice. I know of no other way to be. When I see trolls on the WWII Forums they have two options, either act civil or face me.

[Peppy] - I've seen what you do, it isn't pretty. There are several members that "drew your attention" so to speak. I've never heard from them again.

[der PanzerPenguin] - Every man is the designer of his own fate. When you cross der PanzerPenguin, your safety is not guaranteed.

(end of part I)

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Phear der PanzerPenguin!
HellFish love teh