I found this on another forum, I thought some of the Rogues might like it:

Things I Learned/Realised from Watching War Movies:

-There's always a GI in the unit from Brooklyn.

-French Resistance fighters wear black leather jackets and berets, and there is always a sexy looking female in the group.

-The stiff Nazi officer rides in the back of a long black convertable with the top down.

-People are always having a nice time on Dec. 6, 1941. It never sucks, they are always in a great mood right before they get the news about Pearl Harbor.

-The guy about to go home always get it.

-Escaped POWs always hide in hay wagons.

-The soldier who was just talking about home is the next one to get it.

-Italian soldiers are never serious opponents or butt-kiickin' professional soldiers--they are always buggering off or surrendering, and are either unenthusiastic draftees, or bumbling fascist goombas.

-The best, most successful soldiers are always the non-conformist, anti-authoritarian, play by their own rules, black sheep guys--they are never the professional guys who are the product of years of training, experience, and tradition and who work within the system.

-Generals are always thick-headed, dishonest and/or corrupt, narrow-minded, self-aggrandizing donkeys who will insist on ignoring the warnings and suggestions of the anti-authoritarian non-conformist in his command until the shit really hits the fan. And oh, yes, a general is also careless with the lives of the men under him.

-American army officers on the western frontier in the latter ninetheenth century are always genocidal maniacs. Unless of course, they are the anti-authoritarian non-conformist type.

-The enemy (WWI Germans, WWII Germans, Japanese of any period, Tuetonic knights, Saracens, indigenous tribesmen, migrating tribesmen, Turks, Arabs, Vikings, barbarians on horseback, barbarians on foot, the Boxers, Nationalist Chinese, Communist Chinese, Mexicans, Russians, Spanish Nationalists, Spanish Republicans, whatever...you fill in the blank...)will always attack in massive human waves that threaten to overwhelm the good guys by sheer weight of numbers and mindless obedience to their leaders. If possible, they will do so while waving flags, screaming like maniacs, blowing horns, beating drums, and/or farting as loudly as possible. Tactics, skill, organization, leadership, and weapons or equipment on the enemy side will not be a enter into the outcome .

-When a soldier gets shot, he'll get hit, spin around, hold his chest, stop and face the camera, give a look of unimaginable pain, then drop to the ground.

- There is always one German officer with an different uniform colour for no apparent reason.

- M48's make great King Tigers or Panthers, M24's make great Shermans, M3 Halftracks make great Hanomag 251's

- In 60's British movies a Ferret armored car with a big tube for a gun and cardboard tracks and armored skirts makes a great Tiger.

- One guy in the squad always pulls off a neat stunt, but buys a bullet in the process.

- 99% of Germans wear the early war pattern uniform complete with helmet decals and jackboots

- 65% of German soldiers carry MP40's, the others carry Kar 98's, unless they are guards and MP40 alotment is 100%

- 20% of German soldiers wear a WWI helmet

- Whenever German soldiers are on alert and rushing to their positions an NCO will scream "Schnell! Schnell!"

-German words consist mainly of: Achtung, Feuer, Jahowl, Herr...(Insert rank here) Halten, Kommen Sie Hier, and the rest is just broken english.

- Germans soldiers prefer the MG42. In some rare cases they will use Browning .30 Machineguns or Vickers .303 MG's. MG34's are unheard of

- The GI who bitches the most is the toughest fighter of the bunch (Reiben in SPR)

- German officers ALWAYS love classic music and Opera EXCEPT Wagner, they love art, but often dislike German art, they always visited Paris before the war and confess they love France and dislike anything German

- Movies shot from the German point of view always end with the death of all the protagonists in a annihilistic anti-war ending.

- US soldiers equipped with Thompsons will never run out of ammo.

- At least one Japanese plane in a flight will do a suicide attack when damaged.

- British officers are polite, educated and have class. US officers in comparison have been raised by wolves.

- Captured German uniforms will fit any Allied soldier, regardless of size.

- German officers prefer dark and forbidding medieval castles over later period, more comfortable castles and palaces.

- Any animal or object with a name will be killed/destroyed during the movie.

- Japanese soldiers don't know how to use their rifles, they just do bayonet charges and some of them wear very thick glasses and are either sociopaths, or reluctant warriors serving their emperor.

- When behind enemy lines, Allied soldiers are always strafed by their own side.

- The Allied officer in charge of a prisoner camp is always British.

- When British soldiers are in a movie they will either have a bagpiper or mention the instrument.

- German tanks are always bigger than allied tanks.

- All fanatical Nazi officers have a direct phone line to Himmler's desk in Berlin.

-Vietnam films are not funny.

-The following people could've ended WWII sooner: Clint Eastwood, Gregory Peck, John Wayne, George C. Scott, William Holden, Peter Falk, Henry Fonda, Burt Lancaster, Steve McQueen, Lee Marvin, and Chuck Norris.

-When in doubt, use a P-51 Mustang and paint Luftwaffe crosses and a swastika and BAM! Instant Messerschmitt!

-Submarine skippers will do either two of the following: If wounded, they'll order the XO to dive while they're still on the conning tower, or they'll stay on the conning tower alone with shells screaming around him screaming to "Maintain full power chief! All the power you've got! ALL THE POWER YOU'VE GOT!!!

-All Germans are poor shots. Except for Ed Harris.

-When shot, the obligatory sniper in the bell tower will use his remaining strength and take a 40-50 foot header to the ground below.

- British officers always go into battle with a bag of golf clubs, a dinner jacket, a walking stick, a winchester hunting rifle, and bagpipes.

-In air battles over Europe, Bf-109's make up 90% of the Luftwaffe's fighter strength. FW-190's are unheard of, and P-51D's appeared in late summer 1943 (See Memphis Belle)

-At Pearl Harbor, all the U.S. Battleships were not in staright lines when sunk, but all clustered around each other on fire and sinking.

-Essex class carriers that were modified postwar make good Japanese flattops.

-WWII was un-officially started in 1936 by a guy in leather jacket, Fedora, and whip.

-Convicts make good commandos.

-Col. Klink should've been made Fuhrer when Hitler killed himself.

-All German destroyers were shaped like naval tugs.

-The fleet admiral on board the Bismarck was a stiff hardcore Nazi, and the Captain had the personality of a 2X4.

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