(((CONT))) MARLENE (O.S) Dearest Helmuth, When your father received the telegram, I was in the shop. I feared for the worst, remembering how they sent a telegram when Franz was killed. Much to our relief, we saw that you had been injured. For the past two days I have been searching franticly for a way to contact you since they hadn’t moved you to a hospital yet. I hope you are doing ok – they said that you’d been wounded in the arm. Please write to us when you get a chance. I hope this means you’ll get to come home soon. Love always, Marlene. He folds the letter away and closes his eyes. FADE OUT FADE IN HELMUTH opens his eyes. A DOCTOR is leaning over him. DOCTOR Good afternoon Helmuth. You seem to be recovering well from your wounds. I’d guess that a triage-doctor first looked at you? HELMUTH Yes…he was awful busy. There were lots of wounded to be looked at. The Slavs were giving us hell. Do you know if we managed to fight them off? DOCTOR I’m afraid we didn’t. At the time of your injury, Stalingrad had been surrounded for a good week or two. You were very lucky to get out alive – as far as I know the fight goes on buts it’s only a matter of time before the troops who are left get wiped out. HELMUTH You wouldn’t happen to know if a Johann from the 44th made it out? DOCTOR No, I’m afraid not. I’ve dealt with so many patients over the past months I can hardly remember the ones I dismissed yesterday. The war isn’t going very well for Germany anymore. HELMUTH Oh. Will I get to go home soon? DOCTOR Yes. In fact, you’ve recovered well over the past few days. I’m going to release you tonight. There is a train that departs for Vienna in a little over an hour or two, if you want to head directly home. Your belongings are in the bag under your bed, and you’re unit has provided you with a new uniform. HELMUTH Thank you, Doctor. You’ve been most kind. HELMUTH quickly gets out of bed and grabs his bag. He bids farewell to the DOCTOR and the NURSE and makes his way to the entrance of the Hospital. He exits and gets directions to the train station. EXT. TRAIN STATION – NIGHTITME HELMUTH arrives in time to purchase a ticket and he boards the packed train. Like him, most of the troops on board have bandages of some sort. The Train lurches forward and he is soon on his way. CUT TO: EXT. TRAIN STATION VIENNA – 2 Hours before The train pulls into Vienna, Austria, and troops disembark. As HELMUTH disembarks, he looks to his left and sees uniformed youths in formation waiting to board the train that will take them to the front lines in a few days. They look to only be teenagers. HELMUTH leaves the train station, bag slung over his shoulder. His left arm is still in a sling. There is a smile on his face. SIRENS go off in the distance, catching FREDERICK by surprise. A HUM can be heard in the air. He notices people hurrying to a Bunker. He quickly follows them. HELMUTH enters the bunker as the first explosions rock the city. It is an Air Raid. The ground shakes, reminding HELMUTH of Stalingrad. It last for only a few minutes before the Air Raid sirens are replaced by those of the Ambulances and Fire Brigades, mostly staffed by women and old men. CUT TO: EXT. SCHUHMACHER SCHUHGESCHAFT – MORNING HELMUTH is walking down the street when he notices the smoke rising from his block. A look of concern crosses his face, but he doesn’t quicken his step. As HELMUTH gets closer, he realizes that most of his street seems to be on fire or in ruin. There are lots of people moving too and from the area, some bleeding from wounds while others move to combat the fire and rescue those they can. HELMUTH comes to a stop beside what remains of Schumacher Schuhgeschaft. His face pales and he falls to his knees. EWARD (O.S) Helmuth? Helmuth, is that you? EWARD appears from OFF SCREEN, a firefighter’s helmet on his head. EWARD Mein Gott! It is you! HELMUTH Where is my Vater? EWARD I’m so sorry Helmuth, I guess the telegram never got to you? He died yesterday in a raid. I guess that means you didn’t hear about Marlene either… HELMUTH WHAT ABOUT MARLENE? EWARD Oh no, Helmuth, you haven’t heard? She was helping your father in the shop when it happened – I’m afraid she didn’t make it either. HELMUTH begins to sob. EWARD (cont.) You can stay with me tonight, Helmuth, rest up until it all settles in. I’m sure you have leave for a while with the way your arm looks. HELMUTH No. I’ve got to go back. I’m sure the recruitment center can tell me where my unit is. What month is it, Eward? EWARD It’s late February of 1943. The last of the Germans in Stalingrad have surrendered – I heard they had heavy losses. Were you anywhere near it? HELMUTH stares at him. HELMUTH I was in Stalingrad, Eward. I was there. I know what happened there. I’ve lost everyone…everyone I’ve ever cared about. He falls back onto his rear. EWARD moves over to comfort him. EWARD Don’t talk like that, Helmuth. You’ve still got me. HELMUTH But what about when you die, what about when a bomb falls on your house…what about when you get conscripted to fight? Then what am I supposed to do? EWARD I don’t know, Helmuth, I don’t know. HELMUTH I’ve got to go. I’ve got to find my unit. I’ve got to get back in the fight. EWARD You don’t have to Helmuth. Stay here, rest up. Get your strength back. We’re on rations for food, but it’s probably more then you’ve been fed in a while. HELMUTH No, Eward. I must go. I can’t stay here any longer. Let me go. EWARD I’ve never been the one to tell you what you can and can’t do. Are you sure you can’t stay for one night? HELMUTH I’m sure. I’ll be seeing you again, hopefully. You’re the only person I know who isn’t dead. EWARD Try and stay on the bright side of things, Helmuth. Its better then you being dead, right? HELMUTH I’ve already passed over into the realm of the dead, Eward. It’s just a matter of time before my body catches up. EWARD Farewell, Helmuth. HELMUTH Good bye, Eward. HELMUTH stands back up and grabs his bag. He starts to walk back down the street, slowly fading from view. He doesn’t look back. FADE OUT TEXT APPEARS WHITE AGAINST A BLACK SCREEN: The trapped soldiers in Stalingrad surrendered to the Russians in February, 1943. The 44th Infaneterie Division received its honorary name “Hoch-und-Deutchmeister” from Hitler once it was reformed in Austria. In August, 1943, the 44th Infanterie Division was sent to Italy, where it fought in the bitter battles along the Gothic Line. Helmuth would die in September, 1944 during the battle of Monte Battaglia. For his heroic efforts, he would receive the Iron Cross w/ Oak Leaves Posthumously.
1) You wrote a screenplay. A screenplay is a framework for a movie. A movie, like a rock concert, has to start with a bang. There was no bang here. 2) The most important lesson I learned in writing was to write from the "Zero Factor", presume that the person reading your work knows zero about what you are talking about. This script was written from a WW2 historian's point of view, for other historians.
This in my opinion was very good,the use of German lanquage was good,at some points but in other points it was alittle repetitive. I for one took German in school and had a very,wel lets say not a very good teacher but the use of the lanquage in this story is cool because it's easy to fiqure out with the context.aswell as comensince. The intro of the peice was alittle to,Ann Frank ish if that makes since.Maybe try useing smething like an Allied airraid killing a friend of his or some such. It was somewhat difficult for me to get a since of feel for the city,try being alittle more discriptive of surroundings around the house. i would give this peice a 3 out of 5s
I liked it, but I'm less critical. My only miff was maybe too much at one time? I had to post-it note myself where I left off. Too much to read at once time. The content was excellent.
