joke of the day..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmOTpIVxji8

 

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement.
A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you will get to experience all three at the same time.

(Author unknown, but surely someone who's been there)

 

Karl A.

A good crash is a crash you can walk away from.
A good landing is a landing that has some pilots wishing they could land as well as you and others wondering if you can kiss as well as you can land.

 

Mostly in Washington DC...

 

Worse, the replica sank one of their subs.

 

Look, we're not saying you can't wear your bomb belt to Faisal's party, we're just asking you to disconnect the detonator for a while. And yes, some extra hummus dip would be appreciated. Thanks!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKQT9xKLUnc

 

This cracked me up!


View attachment 20899

 

And this...

View attachment 20900

 

Jam Packed Train in Japan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SjVlB96b5A

 

Road Trip - Go in a bottle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlKYpAGeh_o

 

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says,
"Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on,
"You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want.
But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife.
If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out.
If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed.
It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor "We're getting granite counter tops."
_________________

Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of congress.
But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

 

Towards the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?". 80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small, elderly lady.
"Miss Joyce, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any." she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Miss Joyce, that is very unusual! How old are you?" "Ninety-eight." she replied.

"Oh, Miss Joyce, would you please come down in front and tell us how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered slowly down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

 

Two girlfriends meet up in a bar and chat about how life is going. Says one girlfriend to another: I'm getting a divorce.... A divorce ? the other replies, how 's that possible ? for what reason. Well, the first says, we're separating over regligious reasons. Religious Reasons the other sais in a asstonished voice, what are they. Well, the first says, my husband thinks he's God, I don't...

 

No getting me banned from my fav forum now. K? Ladies, its JUST a joke...

Hot Crazy Matrix - A Man's Guide to Women

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYslhL71k1M

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPl8V_21E-8