joke of the day..

This is all pretty funny, but jump forward to 1:00 for the best part!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nts1QKJqA3w

 

Good thing it had subtitles, I was having a very hard time following the story line.

 

http://img-9gag-lol.9cache.com/photo/a9MWDzL_460s.jpg

No way to add pictures from a smart phone. Sorry!

ENJOY!!!

 

When going Hang Gliding, I get a kick out of driving a vehicle down off the mountain...
- then scaring the living you-know-what out of car owner. ROFL

Heart Attacks not allowed. I will let them know they have been pranked in an appropriate amount of time.
I have a good collection to throw at them:

Driver Humour.
1. Hey! Your car shifts into Reverse at 80 Kph! That was COOL!!!

2. Man! Your car fishtails GOOD! I came down that road SIDEWAYS!
PS: - Your tires are toast!!! Shredded.

3. I lost it good on one corner there... Car did a perfect 180.
Man that thing goes FAST in reverse!!!

4. I was just SMOKIN it coming down the mountain there.
- Ran a police car right off the damn road!!!

I think he was A-OK... but I matted it, hoping he did not catch your license plate numbèr! K?
Jest sews yas nose.

I am saving the best of the best for when I drive for YOU.
You have been WARNED. ROFL

 

A little bit of dark humour from the Yanks:

 

After the death of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the village leaders decide they need to find a replacement. As they were discussing the matter, a voice is heard saying, "I can do it." It was the voice of a young man who had lost both arms in an unfortunate farming accident. "Well," said one of the leaders skeptically, "show us." They follow the young man up into the belfry of the cathedral. He walked up to the huge bell, leaned back until those gathered were certain he would fall over backward, and then smashed his face into the bell. To their amazement, the most pure and glorious sound they had ever heard rang out across the town. They, of course, hired I'm on the spot.

A couple weeks later, the young man was walking down the street on his way to the cathedral. He noticed a very attractive young lady walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the street. As he turned to watch her pass by, he tripped over a loose cobblestone. Sadly, with no arms to break his fall, he was killed instantly. Two villagers rushed over to see what they could do to help. When they realized he was dead, the of the villagers asked, "Do you know who he is?" The second villager replied, "No, but his face rings a bell."

 

Super Dave:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0lS9rCVHhQ

 

"May your life be like a roll of toilet paper, long and useful.” - Jennifer Lutz
____________________

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

No one knows. Its never been done.
____________________

How do you know when Christmas shopping fever has ruined you?
You are using newspaper.

 

Penguin Dilemma.
Shot near Volunteer Point in the South Atlantic.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3H2FLRUtdmU

 

Quoting Gerry LaMarsh:


The two rules to the secret of success are:
1. Do not tell everything you know to everybody.
2.

 

Things That Make You Laugh Your Ass Off!
(Some are mine folks...)

Kids Jokes: http://www.ducksters.com/jokesforkids/
Kids are so, so mentally draining, hard to entertain at times, have crying fits...
- Help your best buds turn a bad day over in a heartbeat by chipping in some that you know. K? You owe Me! K?
- nuff said fred
_____________

What did the little fishy yell while trying to run away from the big bad shark?
Kelp! Kelp!

What did the Sea have to eat?
Boatfast!

What did one ocean say to the other?
Oceans can't talk! They can't even Sea each other.
They just wave!

Middle of a hot summer day, why would a dog want to jump in the lake?
Didn't want to be a Hot Dog!

How do you stop a Skunk from smelling?
You pinch it's nose, silly!

How do you get a tissue to dance?
Put a little boogie in it!

What's a Pirates favorite letter? 2 Answers!
1. Arrrr.
2. Arrr you be thinking... but it is actually B the C.

What is the matter with Euthinasia?
Kids don't like rice!

Why was the Strawberry crying?
Mommy was in a jam.

Two peanuts go out for a walk.
One was assaulted.

Where does a fish take it's money?
To a river bank!

How do you catch a unique Elephant?
You nique up on it!

How do you catch a tame Elephant?
Tame way!

What hurts more than a Giraffe with a sore neck?
A Centipede with sore feet!

Why is a Giraffe's head so far away from its body?
Because it's neck is so long, silly!

Why does a Flamingo stand on one leg?
Because if it lifted the other, it would fall over.

A cop is sitting on the side of the highway when all of a sudden he sees a guy driving a truck full of penguins.
- Confused he pulls the truck over.
“What seems to be the problem officer?”
“Well you have a truck full of penguins:
I’m just going to give you a warning but you need to take these penguins to the zoo immediately.”

A few hours later, the truck passes again, still filled with penguins.
- So again the officer pulls the man over.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”
The truck driver replied: “I did, and they loved it. Now we’re going to the movies!”

Older Kids:

What did Little Miss Muffet and Sadam Hussein have in common?
They both had curds in their way.

Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.

What’s a pirate’s favorite sweater pattern?
Arrrrr-gyle.
__________________

What's your favorite source for good clean kids jokes?

 

Lol!!!

 

i found some of these a while ago.
What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe?.....mitosis
What did earth say to the other planets?.....wow you guys have no life
A man walks into his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
Now I'm going to run and hide and pray that I don't get assassinated for that last one.

 

Oh my god!.........

 

That joke has literally made my day.

 

Bill Keir says: I know, I post it every Christmas - But its brilliant and it saves you searching it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qniwI2hNhDs

 

It's good to see that I am still alive all well after yesterday