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Politically correct fairy tale

Discussion in 'The Members Lounge' started by Grieg, Dec 7, 2007.

  1. Grieg

    Grieg New Member

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    True story:
    :wink:

    There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them.

    Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist.

    Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed.

    One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house.

    "But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?"

    Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had called the union boss and gotten a special compassionate mission exemption form.

    "But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?"

    Red Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was impossible for womyn to oppress each other, since all womyn were equally oppressed until all womyn were free.

    "But mother, then shouldn't you have my brother carry the basket, since he's an oppressor, and should learn what it's like to be oppressed?"

    And Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her brother was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, this wasn't stereotypical womyn's work, but an empowering deed that would help engender a feeling of community.

    "But won't I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she's sick and hence unable to independently further her own selfhood?"

    But Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her grandmother wasn't actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were inferior to what some people called "health".

    Thus Red Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the idea of delivering the basket to her grandmother, and so she set off.

    Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable competitors.

    Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless society all marginalized peoples would be able to "come out" of the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.

    On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood passed a woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine some flowers.

    She was startled to find herself standing before a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket.

    Red Riding Hood's teacher had warned her never to talk to strangers, but she was confident in taking control of her own budding sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf.

    She replied, "I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks in a gesture of solidarity."

    The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

    Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way."

    Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards her Grandmother's house.

    But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house.

    He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.

    Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma's nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.

    Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said,

    "Grandma, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch."

    The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."

    Red Riding Hood said, "Goddess! Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

    "You forget that I am optically challenged."

    "And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have."

    "Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."

    "And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"

    The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor Grandmother cowering in his belly.

    "Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"

    The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on her.

    At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax.

    "Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.

    "And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood. "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self esteem and lower achievement scores on college entrance exams."

    "Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! This is an FBI sting!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off her head.

    "Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat and her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner."

    "No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper. "I've been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have such a trauma. Do you have any aspirin?"

    "Sure," said the Wolf.

    "Thanks."

    "I feel your pain," said the Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper on his firm, well padded back, gave a little belch, and said "Do you have any Maalox?"
     
  2. Revere

    Revere New Member

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    lol this is great did you write this ? I would think so since I see no sources :) good job.
     
  3. Grieg

    Grieg New Member

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    Nope. Not my work, however the source is unknown to me since I got it by e-mail from someone who got it from someone else, who got it from...etc. etc.
     
  4. Commando

    Commando recruit

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    What a funny story! :lol: :D
     
  5. JCalhoun

    JCalhoun New Member

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    :lol:
     
  6. smeghead phpbb3

    smeghead phpbb3 New Member

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  7. Siberian Black

    Siberian Black New Member

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    Ah, one must forgive the politically correct fanatics when they produce such humerous items such as this.

    Ah screw it, they're morons!
     
  8. corpcasselbury

    corpcasselbury New Member

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    The original source for this story was a book that, IIRC, had the same title as this topic. There were one or two sequels, too. I believe that this is what would actually happen if these stories happened today, given what modern society has, to a large extent, become.
     
  9. Ricky

    Ricky New Member

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    To go off on something of a tangent...

    Women being oppressed by being forced to do 'traditional roles' (usually housework)

    I often wondered why men (typically - there are an increasing number of exceptions to this nowadays) tend not to do housework?

    As a man who was brought up by my parents to do my share of the housework, and who splits the housework evenly with his working wife, I wondered...

    So I did an unofficial & unscientific survey (I asked everybody I knew).

    Basically, men who don't do housework tend to be those who grew up in a household where their mother (and occaisionally sisters as well)* did everything. Food magically appeared, cooked. Dirty clothes somehow became clean, ironed clothes. The house never really got dirty, and big messes got cleaned up. They were totally unaware of what housework was, and the effort it requires.

    The solution?

    If you really want to change this part of society, don't nag your unco-operative partner to do more - that will simply make you resent each other and undermine your relationship - just make your kids do their share of housework. Start them off young, so they get used to it. They will learn that housework is hard work, that never really ends, and that needs doing. And best of all, once they get used to doing it, they will never really shake the habit, not even when they hit their teens.

    It means that next generation, most men will be aware of housework and the need for them to do it.

    * I should point out that I also discovered several women who were totally clueless about housework, because, again, they never did any when growing up.
     
  10. majorwoody10

    majorwoody10 New Member

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    recent scientific studies have shown that there is a genetic code in most men that does not actually allow them to SEE any household dirt , until it can actually support agriculture .
     
  11. Roel

    Roel New Member

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    Only in North America and Britain, it seems. Though we're no doubt headed down the same path... :(
     
  12. Skua

    Skua New Member

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    Not Norway and Denmark at least, as it seems at the moment we're going in the opposite direction. Norway is in danger of being labeled as a fascist state by The Herald, just as Denmark, but who cares what they write?

    That Sweden is possibly the most politically correct country in the world is not that surprising, but I thought the Netherlands with their liberal way of life would be less politicall correct than most countries?
     
  13. Roel

    Roel New Member

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    The so-called "liberal way of life" of the Dutch is highly overstated, and in any case it's really a thing of the 1990s. At the moment we're in the news in America for being just about the only country more Christian-Conservative and anti-Muslim than they are. In this respect we are in fact less politically correct but if you ask me it's not in the right way.
     

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