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Some jokes and some funny pics...

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by Kai-Petri, Dec 4, 2002.

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mikebatzel Dreadnaught

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Please give the Combined Fleet the chance to bloom as flowers of death. This is the navy’s earnest request. RADM Tasuku Nakazawa prior to the Battle of Leyte Gulf
It is the function of the Navy to carry the war to the enemy so that it will not be fought on U.S. soil. Admiral Chester W. Nimitz

mikebatzel, Jul 3, 2008

#961
bigfun Ace

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The following pictures are supposedly paintings, the first of a smokers lounge ceiling, the second of a bathroom floor!

Scott :flag_USA_ww2: :flag_netherlands:

bigfun, Jul 3, 2008

#962
Ceraphix Member

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bigfun said:

The following pictures are supposedly paintings, the first of a smokers lounge ceiling, the second of a bathroom floor!

Click to expand...

Painting ? . Thats impressive!

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Ceraphix, Jul 3, 2008

#963
bigfun Ace

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yeah it is, but i suspect that may be photo=shopped!!

Scott :flag_USA_ww2: :flag_netherlands:

bigfun, Jul 3, 2008

#964
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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Hell Pizza buys Walter Scott’s soul at MobLogic.tv: Daily News and Politics Web Show with Lindsay Campbell

Kai-Petri, Jul 4, 2008

#965
bigfun Ace

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Summer's here and the nuts are out in full force!

Scott :flag_USA_ww2: :flag_netherlands:

bigfun, Jul 4, 2008

#966
diddyriddick Member

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A lady goes to her Doctor for a checkup. In the midst of the exam, the MD says to her, "I hope that you don't think me forward, but you have the breasts of a 20 year old woman." So the woman blushes, and finishes with the exam.

That night, the husband walks in and she is admiring herself in the mirror. "What the hell are you doing," he asks? "The Doctor said I have the breasts of a 20 year old woman", she replies. "Did he mention your 40 year old ass," he counters. "No, your name never came up!"

David

"It is history that teaches us to hope"
Robert E. Lee

diddyriddick, Jul 4, 2008

#967
skunk works Ace

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9lCXnBowBs

supposed to be top 5 Bud Light commercials, some never aired...funny though...should have, but PC, actionable, offensive censorship rules....even happiness

a little more unnecessary effort is necessary...

after you get to youtube type...Top 5 Bud Light Commercials....(case sensitive) in the search for videos.

It should be the first one up.

The link it gives for it after it starts playing doesn't work for me either...not the first time with youtube. You can still watch it though.

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says "Yes", you know he's a crook. Groucho Marx

skunk works, Jul 4, 2008

#968
bigfun Ace

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link didn't work for me.....

Scott :flag_USA_ww2: :flag_netherlands:

bigfun, Jul 4, 2008

#969
Kommando Dishonorably Discharged

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Za Rodinu said:

Politically Correct Nelson at Trafalgar

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ........... full speed ahead."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case............................... kiss me, Hardy."
Click to expand...

Haha, that one was damn hilarious I have to say!

/Kommando

Kommando, Jul 6, 2008

#970
Falcon Jun Ace

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here's something our magazine's columnist sent me. And now I'm sharing it with you guys. They're acronyms that folks in the text age might find useful.

BURMA: Between Us, Remember Me Always;
CANADA: Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction;
CHINA: Come Here I Need Affection; EGYPT: Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!;
FRANCE: Friendships Remain And Never Can End;
HOLLAND: Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies;
INDIA: I Nearly Died In Adoration; IRAN: Ikaw Rin Ang Nawalan;
JAPAN: Just Always Pray At Night;
KENYA: Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing;
KOREA: Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity;
LIBYA: Love Is Beautiful; You Also;
NEPAL: Never Ever Part As Lovers;
PERU: Porget Everyone Remember Us;
RUSSIA: Romance Under the Sky & Stars is Intimate Always;
THAILAND: Totally Happy Always In Love And Never Dull
YEMEN: Yugyugan Every Morning, Every Night."
Local place names in the Philippines:
"BALIWAG: Beauty And Love I Will Always Give;
CEBU: Change Everything But Us;
IMUS: I Miss U, Sweetheart;
MALABON: May A Lasting Affair Be Ours Now;
MANILA: May All Nights Inspire Love Always;
PARAÑAQUE: Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstasy;
PASAY: Pretty And Sexy Are You;
PASIG: Please Always Say I'm Gorgeous;
TONDO: Tonight's Our Night, Dearest One;
and of course, last but not least ...
PHILIPPINES: Pumping Hot... I Love It!... Please Please... I Need Erotic Stimulation!"

That's about it,
Fil

Falcon Jun, Jul 7, 2008

#971
macrusk Proud Daughter of a Canadian WWII Veteran

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bigfun said:

yeah it is, but i suspect that may be photo=shopped!!
Click to expand...

Nope - I've seen lots of his work sent around online. On some, I can figure out how he did the trompe l'oeil (my spelling is probably wrong...) painting to create the effect.

Regards, Michelle

Oliver Goldsmith, "I love everything that's old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wines." :flag_canada_ww2: :flag_canada: :flag_uk:
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

macrusk, Jul 7, 2008

#972
bigfun Ace

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macrusk said:

Nope - I've seen lots of his work sent around online. On some, I can figure out how he did the trompe l'oeil (my spelling is probably wrong...) painting to create the effect.
Click to expand...

WOW!!
That is a talented artist!
Thanks Michelle!

Scott :flag_USA_ww2: :flag_netherlands:

bigfun, Jul 7, 2008

#973
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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Fake bus stop keeps Alzheimer's patients from wandering off - Telegraph

Kai-Petri, Jul 9, 2008

#974
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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Dance act SNAP! top worst lyric ever poll | The Sun |HomePage|Showbiz|Music

IN 1992 dance floors worldwide were filled with people moving to Rhythm Is A Dancer by Snap!

But far from being remembered as a classic, the track has won the title for worst lyric of ALL TIME.

The immortal line “I’m serious as cancer, when I say rhythm is a dancer” topped a poll of terrible lines by musicmagpie.com.

Kai-Petri, Jul 10, 2008

#975
FramerT Ace

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IS THERE A BLUE PILL FOR THIS PROBLEM?
Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.

FramerT, Jul 10, 2008

#976
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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Adcomsubordcomphibspac is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing for Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command.

Adcomsubordcomphibspac is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing : Fascinating Facts : Sanjeev.NETwork

Kai-Petri, Jul 12, 2008

#977
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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Somebody wants to bury her "already"...

State funeral planned for Lady Thatcher | Politics | The Guardian

Kai-Petri, Jul 14, 2008

#978
Kai-Petri Kenraali

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the oops list

Kai-Petri, Jul 15, 2008

#979
mikebatzel Dreadnaught

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hehehe, I found an graphical representation of JC's time at the ww2 forums

Please give the Combined Fleet the chance to bloom as flowers of death. This is the navy’s earnest request. RADM Tasuku Nakazawa prior to the Battle of Leyte Gulf
It is the function of the Navy to carry the war to the enemy so that it will not be fought on U.S. soil. Admiral Chester W. Nimitz

mikebatzel, Jul 15, 2008

#980

Joe and Za Rodinu like this.

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