Some jokes and some funny pics...

While attending a formal luncheon one day, Winston Churchill's wife Clementine found herself seated beside French President Charles de Gaulle. As she began to imagine how difficult Mme de Gaulle's life must have been, her introspective musings were interrupted by the general's voice. "Madame," he remarked, "it must be very difficult being the wife of Mr. Churchill."

Anecdotage.Com - Thousands of true funny stories about famous people. Anecdotes from Gates to Yeats

 

Azerbaijan's special forces!

 

Man, those are some seriously armed mimes......

 

Some Communist or Post-Communist jokes

.......................

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says:
-“I have two bits of advice for you: kill your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”
Putin asks,
-“Why blue?”

...................

A flock of sheep approaches the Finnish border in a panic, pleading to be allowed entry. “Beria has ordered the arrest of all elephants,” they explain. “But you’re not elephants,” reply the Finnish border guards in puzzlement. “Yes, but try explaining that to Beria.”

.................

'Lena, I have ordered that the border be opened,' said Brezhnev.

'What! Have you lost your mind?! Everyone will get away, only the two of us will remain!'

'Hmmm, and who's the second?'

................

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian once shared their opinions on what was happiness.

'I test happiness,' said the Englishman, 'when in the winter, after good hunting I come back home and with a glass of good brandy, I settle down in an armchair opposite a roaring fire.'

'For me happiness,' said the Frenchman, 'is when I'm in a good restaurant eating good food and drinking good wine in the company of a fine woman, and then - a night of passion.'

'How you understand happiness!' exclaims the Russian. 'For me happiness is when, after a wearisome workday, I come into my room in my communal home, where I live together with my wife, my two children and the mother-in-law, and during the night there is a loud knock at the door, and I open it, and on the threshold are two threatening looking creatures standing there and ask me "Are you citizen Paramonov?" and I answer them: "He's not here, Paramonov lives a floor above!" Now there is true happiness!'

 

The guy on the right must be talking to his buddy about how much of a twat they look with that crazy face paint!

 

shudder!

 

One for the Darwin Awards: Man died 'urinating on live rail' - Yahoo! News UK

 

Redneck Mansion

 

Ponglish


'I'm meeting my frendy for a drinkowac': The bizarre 'Ponglish' slang spoken by Poles in Britain | Mail Online

Poles now go 'szoping' at the supermarket before they meet their 'frendy' for a quiet 'drinkowac'.

 

but the other night on Montana's PBS they were focusing on the "cowboy" and how he is a disappearing breed.

One old grizzled guy (who reminded me of "Curly" in the movie City Slickers), took his gloved hand to his Stetson, pushed it back a bit, and said; "we ain't disappearing, ya just can't see us from the highway."

 

Guess the "Nationality".....give up ?

 

It's "Polish".....

 

Highway to Hell!

During the American invasion of Panama in 1989, troops blasted AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" in order to drive Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega from the Vatican embassy where he had taken refuge (a tactic also used by the FBI).

Some time later, AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson was asked what he thought about the use of AC/DC's music for "psychological torture". "I guess now," he replied with a sarcastic shrug, "we won't get to play for the pope."


Anecdotage.Com - Thousands of true funny stories about famous people. Anecdotes from Gates to Yeats

 

US Army instructor on an exchange proving that what works in one army doesn't necessarily work in all of them.

YouTube - US Cadence with british troops

 

I really liked this, for the USN types amongst you:

YouTube - Women of CVN 76 USS Ronald Reagan

 

Here's a prime example of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix :
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.

There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.
-------------------------------------------
THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca) - At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary ) - Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. " A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca) - He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

( Gary ) - Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca) - This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

( Gary ) - Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca) - As_hole.

( Gary ) - Bitch.

(Rebecca) - F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

( Gary ) - Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER) - A+. I really liked this one.

 

Democrats reveal possible "new" cabinet selections....

 

Humor in the News - This Week's News