Some jokes and some funny pics...

In Peterhead two old men live within spitting distance of eachother. Powrie and Ross have far too much time on their hands, and spend the day following their neighbours. However one day a new man, Moorecombe-Smythe, moves to Peterhead. The lads are intrigued by the fact that he is a professor in Logic. The lads don't know what this is so they draw straws to decide who has to go and ask. Powrie loose and is sendt to figure out what this englishman is up to.

Moorcombe-Smythe let's the old man in and offers a cup of tea. After spending a few minutes discussing the weather (rain obviously) Powrie finally manage to ask what this Logic thing is.

Moorcombe-Smythe quickly dismiss any attempt to explain the Oxford dictionary definition to Logic and says that he will try to use Logic on Powrie. With a healthy dose of distrust the old Highlander agrees.

The professor notice that Powrie smells of fish and ask him if he likes fish.

Powrie: Och aye, I've ad me life on the sea.

Professor: Well if you like fish, then it is reasonable to assume that you like animals aswell?

Powrie: Aye I like t' beasts. Recht guid company in 'em.

Professor: If you like animals, then it would be raesonable to assume that you like people aswell.

Powrie: Fen Ross an mysel gings oot fer wer drinks we like to speak to others.

Professor: And if you like people then you probably like women too eh?

Powrie: Och aye it isna jist the drinks we go to toon fer. he-he.

Professor: Well there you are, that's simple logic.

Powrie leaves and heads over to Ross to tell him the news.

Ross ask Powrie wether he found out what Logic was.

Powrie: I canna mind explaining it, ye jist wouldna understan. Let me try it on you.
Do you like fish Ross.

Ross: I've eaten fish fer seventy twa years and I'm bloody sick of't. So no I don't like fish.

Powrie: Then you are Gay. that's logic.

 

Heck, I don't have to go to Elk, California for that! My tea cup in my regular Aer Lingus flights dutifully warns me that "Contents may be hot". If it weren't hot why would I want it, damn it!

 

Check Cheney in action!

http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/dickcheney/

Poor guy!

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BTW, saw yesterday a book on Bushism and jokes. His pic was on the cover and he said something like this:

The terrorists are everyday inventing all kinds of things to destroy their enemies and so are we! The terrorists are trying everyday to do something to hurt the American people and so are we!

Oops...!

 

A Russian businessman returns from his trip to the US and tells his friend:
-...and you know what's the most amazing? Their money - dollars - look exactly like our "bucksy"!

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-Dad, they increased vodka prices again. It'll be hard for you, since you'll have to drink less !
- No sonny, it'll be hard for you - you're gonna eat less !


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A genie appeared to Vaclav Havel, the Czech President: I'll grant you three wishes, Lord. What is your first one?
VH: I want the Chinese to attack the Czech Republic.
And what is your second one?
VH: I want the Chinese to attack the Czech Republic.
How about the third one?
VH: I want the Chinese to attack the Czech Republic.
"Now why do you want the Chinese attacking your country three times", genie asked.
VH:Then they would march over Russia six times!

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http://russia-in-us.com/Humor/shared.html

 

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

http://www.pagetutor.com/jokebreak/025.html

Ouch! To believe it or not...

 

Explain this one.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

 

Ta152,

actually I don´t recall Donald Duck ever being banned here but some people did at one point make a big noise if their children could read comics where characters did not have pants on. But you know there are people who are capable of that...if you don´t have any real problems to discuss.

 

why would donald be banned or anyone entertain the idea...anywhere....

 

A friend of mine sent me this link to this t-shirt website with this logo:



Here is the link: http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=603 I don't plan on buying, but It gave me a chuckle (a rather uncomfortable one).

 

quite funny, but why would you wear it? lol

 

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke (that's the only place they could smoke at the nursing home) when it started to rain.

One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady Two asked, "What's that?"

Lady One replied, "A condom."

Lady Two asked, "Where'd you get it?"

Lady One replied, "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, Lady Two hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80s), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

"Doesn't matter," she replies, "as long as it fits a Camel."

 

That is a neat web site Blazkowicz ! I get tired of all the touchy feely t-shirts. I hope Gordon takes a look.

 

These shirts ought to be popular with some people here too!

And a hell of a model they have too

 

sorry, duplicate post!

 

http://hnr.ytmnd.com
It's no wonder women fainted in his presence.

 

God...

 

Political jokes:

Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank? Because it´s just a stone's throw from Israel!

Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys? Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!

 

If nothing else then at least the audience should have a big laugh as our next Eurovision song contest band is a heavy band and they look just wonderful...



This time we´ll get at least one point...I´d think!