Some jokes and some funny pics...

Army roll call joke

It was early morning at an Army camp and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:


“Ames”
“Here!”

“Jenson”
“Here!”

“Jones”
“Here!”

“Magersky”
“Here!”

“Seeback”
” — ”

“Seeback!”
” — ”

“SEEBACK!!!”
” — ”

At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant’s ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.

 

wait for me!!!!!

 

Make sure to read story at bottom…




"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

 

Who is he? Also it doesn't make much sense, 'who'd you steal that'? Who would you steal that? What s that even supposed to mean?

 

Dane Cook is a famous American comedian, he is also more recently known for his less then exemplary stealing from past comedians work.

 

That makes muuuuuch more sense, I withdraw my criticism and laugh heartily!

 

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
Stimulus' payment.



This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:




* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will
go to China or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the
Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or
China .



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras and Guatemala ..



* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .




* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .



* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go
to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in America by:


1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.


(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S...)



Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard
sale and drink beer all day !


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help!pp.

 

I wonder what the statue would be thinking! any suggestions?

 

"Perhaps I could pretend I was a pigeon and cr@p on their heads"?

 

mmmm! I was thinking more about the overheads!!!

 

Hawaii’s Spam Fixation

"Wow! I saw a cooking document where they even made a spam cake...."

From the site above:

Spam worked its way into the hearts—and arteries—of Hawaiians during World War II. Fresh meat was scarce at the time, so civilians loaded up on the brand-name C ration well known to GIs. Needing no refrigeration, the proletarian pork product soon became one of three items islanders stock up on (along with toilet paper and rice) during threats of hurricanes, tsunamis, or dockworkers' strikes.

More recently, McDonald's added Spam to its Hawaiian breakfast menu, while island chefs toy with it. Hawaii's Spam Cookbook lists recipes for Spam omelets, Spam and beans, and Spam with Japanese radish fermented in a syrupy sauce.

 

WHEN YOU REALLY REALLY LIKE BACON!

 

Q. How did they advertise surplus W. W. II Italian rifles for sale? A. "Never fired, and only dropped once."

 

der PP's mafia?

 

I see your pic and raise you...