A Great one on its own---a joke. :-))

Saddams surprise.

After dying a grisly death in a Baghdad bunker, saddam made his way to the Pearly Gates. There, he was greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yelled Washington, slapping saddam.

James Madison came next and said, "This is why I allowed the government to provide for the common defense!" He took a sledgehammer and whacked saddam on his knees. Saddam was subject to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe and 67 other people who had the same love for liberty and America.

As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back toward the gate where he was to be judged. As saddam waited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed, "This is not what I was promised!" An Anger replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINAINS waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

 

Funny but still don't like it...

 

Why not? Its ONLY a joke.

 

I think Friedrich's reaction and Carl's reply was more fun than the actual joke.

Best regards/ Daniel

 

OK, I will keep my day job

Oh and I might add--I didnt expect really anyone outside the USA to like this one because of the language barrier.

Notice the word VIRGINIANS, it is replacing the word VIRGINS. Its a slight of hand on words and unless you know Colonial American history--I didnt figure that this would register to anyone not from the USA.

The punchline: When saddam said that he was expecting 72 VIRGINS, instead, he got 72 VIRGINIAINS instead.

This means that, saddam misunderstood what the Angel had said, as he had THOUGHT he was getting these Virgins--well, when he was "killed" he hent to St Peters Gate in Heaven, was met by George Washington and 71 other VIRGINIANS.

Now do you guys get it?

[ 22. April 2003, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: C.Evans ]

 

I think it's funny...took my buddy a while to get it though

DUCE

 

Since we are on the topic about jokes, a little jibe at our own leaders:
What are the worst two things about Tony Blair? His face

A couple for Carl, revenge of sorts
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can
you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

Next one:
Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"

Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"


And one I just like:
The Pope arrives in NYC for an important UN meeting. His flight
is delayed, so he has only 15 minutes to get from JFK airport to
the UN building. A car had of course has been arranged to pick
him up -- he is, after all, the Pope.

The Pope tells the driver of his predicament, but the driver
says that he will not violate the speed limit. So the Pope says
"OK, OK, get in the back, I'll drive." The Pope floors it,
weaving through traffic like a madman. Inevitably, even for the
Pope, he sees flashing lights behind him, and has to pull over.
The officer takes one look in the window, turns pale, and slowly
walks back to his squad car.

He calls up his superior officer, and tells him "I just pulled
this guy over for speeding, but I can't give him a ticket."

"Well, why not?"

"He's too important"

"Well, who is it? The mayor? Did you pull over the mayor?"

"No, no, no. Much more important than that."

"Well, was it Donald Trump?"

"No, no, no. Much more important than that."

"Was it the president? Please tell me you did not pull over the
president of the United States."

"No, no, no. Much more important than than."

By this time, the superior officer is completely flabbergasted.
He yelled "Well, then who the hell did you pull over?!"

To which the policeman nervously replied "Well, I don't know,
but he's got the Pope for a driver!"

Hopefully if anyone is offended, everyone is offended equally and so its ok. Carl, that was a good one about Hussain, if you want more go to:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokes.htm

 

Thanks Duce...

Stefan--Ha ha ha ha--good ones and im not offended. I like a good joke when one is put in front of me.

 

Stefan! Those were great! The best one out of em all was the one about WWIII *lol* I laughed so hard. Thanks!

DUCE

 

Carl, ofcourse I got the joke I just thought that Friedrich's cranky reaction was much more fun. You also had some good jokes Stefan.

By the way, do you guys know that the 72 virgins also can be read as 72 raisins?

Best regards/ Daniel

 

Raisins?!?!?! Are you insane man!? LOL I think you need some rest...or some actual raisins to tame that hunger...

DUCE

 

Raisins? Daniel--thats too much info for me to assimilate tonight. Ill be back tomorrow to retry to learn more

Mmmmmmmm Raisinssssssssssssssssssss

 

Yes, Carl. I understood it perfectly even if you wrote virginAIns instead of Virginians... No need to explain the joke. Actually, when you explain jokes they lose all their fun... But I din't like it anyway.

 

Very good ones, Stefan! Even if I had already listened to them, they were still rather funny.

What about these ones?

Some day presidents George W. Bush of USA, Vladimir Putin of Russia and Vicente Fox of Mexico, die suddenly. They all are brought to heaven where they meet God himself, who tells them:

"Gentlemen. You are not yet dead. I only want that you, as powerful men you are, to go back to Earth and tell the people that I have decided to end the world in a week"

"Yes, sir" the three men responded. They went back to the Earth and everyone in their respective countries called all the media (newspapers, magazines, internet, TV, radio, etc.)

Then, from Washington, DC, George Bush adressed the nation: "My fellow countrymen: I have a good news and a bad one. The good one is that God DOES exist, as we knew. I've just talked to Him. And the bad one is that He's going to end the world".

From the Kremlin, in Moscow, Putin adresses to the Russian media: "I have two very bad news. The first one is that God DOES exist. For decades we thought he didn't exist and now I see he DOES. I've just talked to him. And the other news is that He's going to end the world"

Then, from Los Pinos, in Mexico City, Fox adresses the nation: "Mexicanos y mexicanas: I have two very good news to you all. The good one is that God DOES exist as we have always believed. I've just talked to Him. And the other good news is that he gave us another week to live before he ends the world"

(stupid, isn't it?)

 

All good. Keep them coming

[ 22. April 2003, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: Brad T. ]

 

And I definately love this one:

One day, Mr. Prostowsky comes with his friend, Mr. Mendelsohnn and says with a hard Hebrew accent:
_"Isaac, I have quite a problem! My sohn Matthew has just graduated from University and he says he's travelling to Jerusalem"
_"Dear Abraham! That's great! The Holy Land!"
_"Wait, Isaac, that's not all. He said that he is going to Jerusalem to become a CHRISTIAN!"
_"Good Lord!" said Mr. Mendelsohnn "Now that you mention it, yesternight came my son and told me that he was travelling to Jerusalem to become a CHRISTIAN!"

Both men, very alarmed went with their doctor, Mr. Ganzursky and told him that both their sons were travelling to Jerusalem to become CHRISTIANS! He replied:
_"Now that you mention it, the other day my son came and said that he was travelling to Jerusalem to become a CHRISTIAN!"

The three men, very worried went to their Rabbine, rabbi Krustowsky and told him that their three sons were travelling to Jerusalem to become CHRISTIANS! The rabbine answered:
_"Now that you mention it, yesterday my son came and said that he was travelling to Jerusalem to become a CHRISTIAN! And imagine how I felt since I am a rabbine!"
_"What to do, then?" asked Mr. Prostowsky.
_"Well. We must fast for three days and pray. Read the Torà" responded the rabbine. The four Jewish men fasted for three days and prayed a lot. Then, in the fourth day, the sky opened and God's voice was heard:
-"What is the matter? Tell me."
-"Dear Jahvé, we have a problem, because all our sons say that they are going to travell to Jerusalem to become CHRISTIANS!" cried the rabbine. God, with worried voice replied:
-"Now that you mention it...

 

I remembered one I heard the a while ago. I don't remember the exact wording though, little bit of patriotic but I still think its funny.

One day god was missing for 7 days, then an angel found him and asked what he had be doing, god replied, "look I made a balanced universe" the angel looked in amazment and god started pointing things out. "This is the Middle East, it will always be a world hotspot, that is China, a okace were many humans will live in different lives by the Generation, this is Europe, a place where civilization will develop.........." as god went on the Angel's eye dosed off to a beautiful place, he asked, "what is that" god replied, ah, that is Canada, I have given riches in resources, so they will not have shortages, I have made the land beautiful, ranging from the most Beautiful mountains, beaches, rivers, lakes, cities, oceans and the arctic, I have filled it with great peaceful people, who most may fight when needed, I have given them skills to be used on the world level, given the people more land then they would need......" as god went on the angle realised, "Balance" "God what about the balance!" God looked up with a smirk on his face, "wait until you see the loud mouth bastards I put them next too" and some people add in "I may just make some of them french" Please don't be offended just thought it was funny.

 

Well, Brad. I must admit it's very funny, but Friedrich's French part says:

 

There were a lot of good jokes here. Keep them coming!