Canadian Mother 'humiliated' by military after son's death

CTV Toronto - Mother 'humiliated' by military after son's death - CTV News

The mother of a dead soldier says that the military has humiliated her and put her through "bureaucratic hell" simply because she has tried to tie up issues with her son's estate.

The Department of National Defence even went so far as to ban Sheila Fynes from calling their offices as she attempted to get a death certificate for her son, Cpl. Stuart Langridge.

Langridge, who served in Bosnia and Afghanistan, suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and killed himself at CFB Edmonton in 2008.

 

There's two sides to every story. The military does not just arbitrarily assign someone as next of kin, I'd hazard to guess that the last time the soldier in question updated his paperwork (probably prior to his last deployment) he designated the girlfriend as his next of kin and executor. It doesn't matter what the mother wants now, or if her feeling were hurt that she was not named next of kin. What matters is that the soldiers wishes were adhered to.

 

Brutal but true USMCPrice. You speak the truth ... I can hear the speech at the SRP Station Now ... "watch what you put down ... it will come back to haunt you" ... sign here and here ... now get your a$$ on the truck we dont have all day ladies.

 

I suspect from the fact the girlfriend isn't mentioned directly at all in the article that there's bad blood between her and the mother.

I find it very hard to believe that any military department would 'ban' a mother from inquiring about her son regardless of what the NOK details were and definitely not without some quicker solution than 2 years.

 

Nigel

You would be surprised ... PR is not on the forefront of many people’s mind as they can’t think out of the box and stare at "rules" for comfort. Common sense does not prevail but then again that is not exclusive to the Canadian Army. My wife was incensed that I had my mother as my NOK ... I did not have my In-laws address where wife was staying while I went off for DS/DS (1st Gulf War) and so I did the quick and easy and wrote down my mother’s address. So if I was to have bought the farm as they say, my wife would have been left out of the mix to include the flag at the burial site.

You’re right that Mom’s should always being treated with dignity and respect but God we love rules and uniformity in the Military (black and white NO GRAY). God Bless the day we punish a bad soldier with a sniper round verses the whole company with a claymore.

 

I always stuck my sister on mine - let them fight it out between themselves

 

You wouldn't believe some of the trouble that mother's stir up. I did one burial detail where the Marine was estranged from his mother, who'd divorced his father and re-married when he was like 4 years old. The Marine had a wife and a small child. The mother had a problem with the wife getting the flag so the OIC decided we'd use two flags, one for the wife and one for the mother. The mother raised a stink because the wife got the one that had been on the casket and was presented her's first. The wife was listed as next of kin on the Marines paperwork so the way it was done was appropriate, regardless of what the mother felt.
I attended a soldiers funeral, where once again the father and mother were divorced. The father and stepmother had raised the soldier and were listed as his next of kin. The mother insisted that she be seated in the place of honor, be given the flag and the soldier's Purple Heart. She got upset because the father and step-mother were also presented a flag. Like I said, it isn't always nearly as clear cut as it would at first appear.
There can also be legal issues. I don't know about Canada but in the U.S., the privacy act law can come into play. You are not allowed to discuss certain matters unless it is specifically authorized, in writing, on a privacy act form, unless you are next of kin. So if the mother continued to press for information that the military was precluded from giving her, because she was not next of kin, and she was unwilling to take no for an answer, I can see where they'd stop talking to her.
In the civilian world you most often run across this when dealing with Doctors and Hospitals. Not too long ago my father was having chest pains and went to the hospital. He called me and asked me to meet him there. I got there shortly after he did and asked if he was there, they said they couldn't tell me because of the privacy act. After they'd done some tests and took him to a room they filled out the requisite paperwork and because they now had the paperwork they told me he'd been admitted and let me go to his room. He asked me what had taken me so long to get there and I explained that I'd been there for a couple of hours waiting in the waiting room but because of the privacy act they couldn't tell me anything, including if he'd been admitted.

 

Not to go too far off topic, but that line reminded me of this wealthy old farmer/rancher up near our place in central Montana. He had a bunch of kids, didn't get along with any of them, so he didn't write out a will. Refused to do so all his life.

When somebody (outside the family) asked him why he would do such a thing, his reply was; "if they have as much trouble fighting over it, as I had making it, it will please my soul."

Crochety old grump, and his kids did fight over his estate for nearly ten years. In fact one of them had a heart-attack and died while the thing was still being disputed.

 

Good stuff, Clint! Sounds like he got the last laugh.

 

And here is the follow up to the story:

CBC News - Edmonton - MacKay apologizes to mother of dead soldier

"The mother of a soldier who took his own life after serving in Afghanistan has received an apology from the minister of defence.

Sheila Fynes had complained about how the military treated her son, Cpl. Stuart Langridge, when he was ill and how it treated the family after he died.

On Friday, Fynes met with Peter MacKay, who apologized for what she has endured.
"He addressed the issue of the Memorial Cross and he said they were working on it, and I'm actually kind of hopeful that we're going to get them now."

The Memorial Cross is presented to the parents and spouses of military personnel who died on active duty or whose death was consequently attributed to duty.

"That would be … it's a solid," she said in an interview in Ottawa. "Stuart served and they recognized it." ....

 

Glad she has some closure.