I need the opinion of you ladies and gents..

Operation "go to university" is still a go, and I'm going to see if I can contact a local recruiting centre to start the application process for joining the army reserves when I complete school.

However, my living condition has changed! I was going to stay on residence but I am now perhaps opting out and going to get an apartment with my closest friend, who also happens to be a woman. Now shes worried about rumors because we've been tight for years (even though shes been committed with my other best friend for over 2) and I laugh at rumors. My main concern is the whole Male/Female thing, and how it will be to live in close quarters with a woman for the next 8 months.

I'd like it if some of you guys could perhaps share what I'll likely encounter, and if some ladies could tell me what to watch out for!

 

Eight months might be doable, the rumors be hanged. First of all, good luck. Second if you know what is good for you find out which way she prefers the toilet seat left when you exit the bathroom. Never pee with the lid down and soil it, but whether or not you have to sit or stand, then place it down after you are done so she doesn't sit down in an open bowl. Females don't like that surprise, and they rarely seem to check the lid themselves.

Third, do all the dishes you soil without being asked. Don't leave them "soaking" in the sink under any circumstances. There are many other pit-falls in cohabiting with a member of the opposite gender, but those are the first ones which come to mind and eight months might be pretty easy if you don't tick each other off and spoil a friendship.

 

Rule #1; ALWAYS do what she tells you!

 

Rule #2; When in doubt, always refer to rule #1!

 

If she is your best friend, then you would want to protect that and her from all harm, that means you must understand how that will impact her immediate family. It is likely she will say not to consider that but if you are her friend and you value her you must see how this may impact her long term family relationship and consider that. You must also consider her life long religious views, not what she is thinking at the moment, but how has she lived her life.......and would this be a step she would have taken say 5 or 6 years ago. Secondly you must consider amidst her family church and friends what will this mean for her standing within her own group. It is much easier on a man to make this decision because there are so much more serious consequences for a lady.....normally a man does not lose as much reputation as the lady when co-habitating with a partner. You must consider what her line of work may be in the future and how will this impact her opportunities and standing within her sphere of friends. I would say this much to you about any living arrangement with anyone.....all those things need to be considered even if it were just two guys getting together. I would also ask you to consider this as well....do you think the military is so easy that you can divide your attention to adjusting to a living partner at the same time? The same question will have to be answered with her career choice as well. Another thing to consider is just how compatible are you? This is a question you and her will have to answer and it is better if you find out ahead of time. What is the money arrangement? What is the cleaning arrangement? What is the laundry arrangement? Pretty often people get together and want to live as they had been living without coming to an agreement about those things. It is easier to find out what the other one expects before moving in than to find out those things are not going to be 50/50. Some are raised to expect those performances either payed for or performed by a cleaning service as opposed to a split in the responsibilities. If a cleaning service is required...who pays? Who is responsible for taking the other to work, paying insurance costs, paying automobile costs etc. Sorry any living arrangement today has its many complications. Might as well get informed as to what will be faced when one goes out on their own with yourself and others. Good luck and thanks for looking for advice and ideas. I wish for the best for the both of you either way you may decide.

 

Clint: By all means the toilet rule has been burned into my head, I was told that if I value the ability to one day have children, the toilet be clean and the seat down when I leave the bathroom! We are also going to avoid fighting as best we can too, the friendship breaker is something we are

Gordon & Belasar: I'll be sure to write that on my arm so I don't forget it

Victor: You've put quite well to words, what has been running through my head constantly the last while. I imagine that in your life you have had the close female friend that is closer to you then you're sister, that is how the two of us are. Issues like that of family or church aren't an issue for us, her family absolutely adores me, and saying that she is a church goer is quite an exaggeration!

Without me going on to the point of sounding corny, we share the same group of largely female friends (I find it sort of neat that my total friends are largely girls) and we are like a family in practice, where her newer friends know and respect how close we are as friends.

Also on expenses and such, our place is less then a ten minute walk from campus, we are in a small university town so all services and goods needed are within a short walking distance, we can spend and buy what we like as long as each of our halves of rent/utilities and food are met as well. I know I'm trying to reassure myself that things will be okay, but I really that that it will be (rockyness throughout the year is likely though!).

Thank you for the thoughts and I will remember them sincerely.

 

That sounds like just too much crappola to put up with for a female "friend". Maybe so if you were "in the driver's seat" so to speak, but as "just a friend", NFW. Join the army, get what veteran's benefits they offer you up there, come home, and get your own place. Maybe with a girl friend, not a friend girl. That's what I'd do, but that's just me. Try to simplify life, not complicate it.

 

Just remember to put your academics first. Your degree will get you a lot further than memories of some drunken party!

 

At least in the moment, the drivers seat with her is very not necessary for me, I'm much to tired to think of a clever euphemism for this so I'll just say that she has been a very helpful wingman to myself and even gets a kick out of it

 

It's your call friend, so do what's best for you. I'll stand by whatever you decide. I'd still join the army or whatever branch of the military suits you first. And good luck in whatever road you decide to go down.

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I had no idea what I wanted when I got out of high school, so off to the army I went. Three years later Uncle Sam said I could go home and the only thing I knew was that I didn't want to be in the army no more. But I had veteran's benefits to get me through college for awhile and then to secure a loan for my house.

 

In regards to a lasting career that I'd like? My party line is that in 10-15 years I see myself as a teacher, and then 20-30 I'd like to be a professor at a post-secondary institution, preferably out of Canada with both of them.

The reason that I wish to go to school now rather then later is that the degree I'm after will help me get to my desired career in academia, as well as qualifying me for several positions amongst the forces that I think would be "for me" as an interlude before I try to return to school a second time (I'm not exactly GI Joe in physique either too, so I'll make much use of the on campus gym the next few years!)

 

What he said. With this caveat: Regardless of relationship status once you move in with anyone, regardless of gender compatibility, the dynamic changes.

 

It would want to be a 'close' friendship. I sincerely hope neither of you are paranoid about appearing naked in front of each other. Best you get those and other 'body' issues out of the closet and into the air before you begin anything.

Nocturnal happenings.....are you both comfortable with either one having sex with the other in house? Do you like to hide away your girlfreinds, or leave them open for 'scrutiny' from your flatmate. Your potential girlfreinds will probably find your domestic arrangments 'threatening' at some stage. There is an old Hindu proverb that covers this....

"It is possible for a thousand mustaches to live together in peace and harmony for a hundred years.
But never four breasts...."

Are you a slob? Do you leave clothes around the house in a trail when you come home from work? Do you eat pea-and-ham soup and spend the rest of the evening coping with flatulence? There are so many personal minefields that you can tread on, that I tend to agree with the above, namely, forget the domus arrangement unless you and her have some kind of sexual relationship going. Anything else is asking for trouble with a capital 'T'.

Go off and get independent, After your education finishes, there will be plenty of time to party. Then, as a made man with his own life, you can pick and chose the circumstances that govern it, rather than being answerable to someone who does not share your bed. Why mince words? This is intrinsic to any domestic set-up, and should be tackled squarely in the face, rather than letting un-said words fester on, causing havoc if she decides to 'bail out' and leave you with all the bills to pay.

 

And he said what I was going to say..... It doesn't matter how good your friendship or the sex of the other person, you see a whole different side, and some quirks and traits you may not have seen before, of a person when you live with them. So it's a toss up no matter what. You'll get along with some people and others you won't.

My concern would be your other best friend. You all may be cool with this now, but it also kind of changes that dynamic, as well, and it may cause issues and hard feelings. I would think about that very carefully.

And, of course, following Rules No. 1 and 2 will certainly help.

 

Brad is still right....

 

Definitely remember the need to be completely honest with each other about your expectations. and be prepared to re-evaluate with each other what is and isn't working and be prepared to compromise on those expectations - both of you. Despite the comments about not bothering if there isn't a sexual relationship, the reality is that some basic aspects of getting along with people apply regardless of whether or not you are the same gender and whether or not the relationship is intimate. The other thing is to ensure you remember some tact and courtesy. No successful relationship exists without respect - including friendships. You can have an acquaintance you don't respect, but not a best friend or mate. You need to discuss each other's boundaries before living together, as you can cross them too easily once you are sharing a place. Things you tolerate in a friend with whom you do not live are not as easy to accept when you deal with it day in and day out. I think you will need to include her boyfriend/your friend in your discussions as he will be a factor no matter what happens between them. If they are together, he will be another roomate who affects the balance - either on her side as her boyfriend or on your side as your buddy - resentment is definitely a possibility for each of you at times.

I don't have any issue with you and a girl being platonic roommates - you just need to have your brain completely engaged and hope that she and the boyfriend do as well. If everything goes well, you've had a great roommate whose company you already enjoy and you've had costs reduced. At the outset though, you have to accept that if it does not go well you will lose at least one and possibly two friends.

BTW, do college first, but check into OTC to get university funding. Good luck and congratulations on getting various opinions, but know that the decision you make needs to be made with your heart and head connected.

 

Well everyone, some rather depressing events have happened since I started this. The "dream place" that was so close to school and all our necessities, was bumped up in rent by the landlord. This should not have happened and we have no way of proving what he did as the initial rent was said verbally rather then on paper, so I guess I'm stuck staying on residence this year! Oh well, will need to make do right?

 

You have to play the hand dealt to you my boy. Stay with the program though, it could always be worse.