After every flight

> > > After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a
>gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems
>encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need
>repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the
>problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
>the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot
>reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let
>it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
>humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints
>and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution
>recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the
>only major airline that has never had an accident.
> > >
> > > (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
> > > (S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
> > >
> > > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> > > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> > >
> > > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> > > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> > >
> > > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> > >
> > > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > > S: Live bugs on back-order.
> > >
> > > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
>per minute descent.
> > > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> > >
> > > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > > S: Evidence removed.
> > >
> > > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> > >
> > > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > > S: That's what they're there for.
> > >
> > > P: IFF inoperative.
> > > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> > >
> > > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > > S: Suspect you're right.
> > >
> > > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> > >
> > > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
>serious. > >
> > > P: Target radar hums.
> > > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> > >
> > > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > > S: Cat installed.
> > >
> > > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like
>a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> > > S: Took hammer away from midget.
> > > I thought this was too funny. Hope you are all doing
>well. > >
> > >
> > >
> > > > I got this and thought you might like it...
> > > > >
> > > > > It was announced today that Canada is now prepared
>to help the United
> > > > States
> > > > > in its war against terrorism. They have promised to
>commit 2 of their
> > > > > largest battleships, 6,000 armed troops and 60
>fighter jets. > > > Unfortunately,
> > > > > after the exchange rate, that comes down to a canoe,
>2 Mounties and a
> > > > flying
> > > > > squirrel.
> > >