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Some jokes and some funny pics...

Discussion in 'Free Fire Zone' started by Kai-Petri, Dec 4, 2002.

  1. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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    http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-ODD-Check-For-Billions.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

    Man arrested in Texas for trying to cash $360 billion check

    Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company. The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious -- perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off.
     
  2. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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  3. bigfun

    bigfun Ace

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    I went into the gas station today and
    asked for five dollars worth of gas.....

    The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
     
  4. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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  5. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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  6. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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  7. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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  8. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    Subject: What Do Retired People Do All Day?

    Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

    Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

    So my wife called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

    Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
     
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  9. Joe

    Joe Ace

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  10. Falcon Jun

    Falcon Jun Ace

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    Here's a pic a friend of mine sent via email. I was sorely tempted to put it in nose art because technically, it is one, hehehe.
     

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  11. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    That's not nose art, nose art is this:
    [​IMG]

    Yours is, errrrr...
     
  12. montana a-10

    montana a-10 Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  13. Phantom of the Ruhr

    Phantom of the Ruhr Member

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    The real cause of the Hindenburg disaster:
    [​IMG]
     
  14. Za Rodinu

    Za Rodinu Aquila non capit muscas

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    :lol:
     
  15. Phantom of the Ruhr

    Phantom of the Ruhr Member

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  16. skunk works

    skunk works Ace

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    "Open your mind to me Quaid." Kuato in Total Recall

    Why don't we see this in the National news, or learn about it in school? Is this not part of America as well, or just not suitable to some obscure "Master Plan" of some skulking "New Feudalism" agenda to corral the sheep.

    http://www.casadice.com/signs/index.htm
    ....don't know why it wont work (censorship?),
    but just try it...it's there.
    It's a roadside joint/truck stop in Pennsylvania

    just look up Casa D' Ice, and go to outside signs www.casadice.com

    as well check out
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcRdWdJpbTA&feature=related
    web site dontstayvirgin.movielol.org

    See what's happening to the greatest source of communication, knowledge, and betterment (the Internet) as it's becoming a censored, commercialized monopoly right under our noses. Because PC tells us that it's "Rude" to object, boycott, or soon enough...even vote or speak out in general !
     
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  17. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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    Did your mother say this to you?

    MOTHERS

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
    'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    ' Because I said so, that's why.'

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

    7. My mother taught me IRONY
    'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATIO N.
    'Stop acting like your father!'

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
    'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    'Just wait until we get home.'

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
    'You are going to get it when you get home!'

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

    20. My mother taught me HUMOUR .
    'W hen that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
    'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    'You're just like your father.'

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
    'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

    25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
     
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  18. skunk works

    skunk works Ace

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  19. Kai-Petri

    Kai-Petri Kenraali

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    Oh yes, David....Oh yes....
     
  20. Skipper

    Skipper Kommodore

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    haha some great jokes here! I particulary love the Kite guy with the aircraft.
     

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