A World War Two Joke

Flying machines:- "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."


Physicist, Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, [ENGLAND] 1885

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Toys:- "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."

Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre, France

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Inventions:- "Everything that can be invented has been invented."

Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

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Everything that I had worked for, studied,
learned, trained for, for 30 years, Came together in
that split second in time, that moment.

- Brig. Gen. Steve Richie on the time when he got his third and fourth kills in one minute-twenty nine seconds

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There are old pilots and there are bold pilots,
BUT THERE ARE NO OLD, BOLD PILOTS.
Harry J. Task, Maj. USAF (ret.)

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"If your aircraft designation doesn't start with an "A", then you're just there to support those that do"!

Steve "Krusty" Morris
Displaced All-Weather Attack Pilot

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When you are out of airspeed, altitude and ideas . . . EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!

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Always remember: the aircraft you are flying is most probably built by the lowest bidder

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There is nothing absolutely nothing, to describe what goes on inside a pilot's gut when he sees a SAM get airborne.
Commander Randy "Duke" Cunningham, USN

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The Yo-Yo is very difficult to explain. It was first perfected by the well-known Chinese fighter pilot Yo-Yo Noritake. He also found it difficult to explain, being quite devoid of English.
Squadron Leader K.G. Holland, RAF
Fighter Pilot

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The most important thing for a fighter pilot is to get his first victory without too much shock.
Colonel Werner Moelders, Luftwaffe
115 victories, WW-II and Spanish Civil War

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Wingman is only allowed to say three things: "Two", "Bingo", and "Lead, you're on Fire"
- Anonymous

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Whoopie! Man, that may have been a small one for Neil, but it's a long one for me.
- Pete Conrad, the shortest Apollo astronaut, upon becoming the 3rd man to walk on the moon. He came up with these words months before the event, and won a $500 bet proving that NASA didn't write the famous Armstrong quote.

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"The only time a fighter has too much gas is when it's on fire."
- CDR Tom Sobieck, VF-51, 1989

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"The duty of the fighter pilot is to patrol his area of the sky, and shoot down any enemy fighters in that area. Anything else is rubbish!" Manfred von Richtofen
- Quote refers to why Richtofen would not let members of his Staffel strafe troops in the trenches.

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"An F-4, proof that even a brick can fly if you put a big enough engine on it; and the F-4 took two!"

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The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.

http://www.f-16.net/library/quotes.html

 

This was a common joke that circulated during WW2 among German Officers about the Italians, due to their poor performance in the African theatre.

(News broadcast): "This morning an Italian division encountered an enemy bicycle in Tripoli. There was an immediate engagement, and the Italians managed to capture the rear wheel and the seat. There is still heavy fighting over the steering column and the front wheel, but the situation looks rather bleak for the Italians. More on this later."

http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=1955

 

Göring and wisdom...they never met...

Anyway, some truths from Williamson Murray: Luftwaffe 1939-1945

Göring once admitted he did not know how to turn on his radio, and he exhibited his scientific knowledge for his staff in discussing German radar sets:

" I have frequently taken a look inside such sets. It does not look at all that imposing-just some wires and a few other bits and pieces- and the whole apparatus is remarkably primitive even then..."

In another case in Feb 1943 after Milch urged the inclusion of more women in the production process, Göring suggested that perhaps the best method to include women in the war effort would be to allow them to do the work at home where they would also be able to watch their children. A somewhat flabbergasted Milch could only reply that German industry was more advanced than that.

 

Vaughn Shoemaker, "Take me to
Czechoslovakia!", Chicago Times
(8th September, 1938)

 

Kai: you forgot abou another III Reich sexy woman: Leni Riefensthal! Who was also a GENIOUS when making films!!! I've just seen images of her "Olympia" and it's And she was also very pretty. And I only have to add that nowadays, in her 90s, she likes to dive and film submarine life!!!

 

Yes Fried, even in her 90's she is still sought after by up and coming film producers.....and still a hot looking woman for her age. some great avatars to choose from in our avatar link/pages. Love the one with her small camera in front of her in the full on pose. her propaganda films for der Führer are still some of the most dramatic film scenes ever produced.....

thumbs up Leni !

~E

 

Indeed, Erich. She seems incredibly strong and healthy! Even if she is now 101 years-old! I have just watched also her "Thriump des Willesns" and God! It's supperb! That's an amazingly beautiful film and as she says it, it's only about work and peace. No ratial stuff nor many of the nazi despicable ideas! You can feel the Führer's power in that film! It's awfully great!

 

I think the woman would admit if she was interviewed that life has been good to her. The stamina she possess's is incredible.

~E

 

Absolutely did not Friedrich....and she sure does prove the saying wrong that brains and looks don´t mix...Great pics, Friedrich, thanx!

( The 28th March posting with Eva Braun )

http://www.ww2forums.com/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000683;p=4





What on Earth is Adolf doing/showing?

Oops! Found another one of Adolf and Leni together-this one´s rather nice ...

http://www.doew.at/service/ausstellung/1938/11/11_33.html

[ 19. April 2003, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: Kai-Petri ]

 

Leni Riefensthal's photo gallery

A very nice one!

 

Thanx for that Friedrich!

Excellent!!

 

A commissar, charged with murder of an Ice cream man, a pie seller, and a yogurt factory owner was confronted by some higher ranking Commissar,

"What the hell are you doing?" The the higher ranking commissar fumed, throwing his cap on the floor.
"But Comrad Commissar, you told me to shoot all deserters!"

~I made it myself.

 

"It looks like it!”

- ‘Jawohl mein Fuhrer’ – click

“It smells like it!”

- ‘Jawohl mein Fuhrer’ – click

“It even tastes like it!”

- ‘Jawohl mein Fuhrer’ – click, click

“Gott im Himmel, good job I didn't step in it!"

No.9

[ 23. April 2003, 01:59 AM: Message edited by: No.9 ]

 

Now I know why my favourite number is 8...

 

Wot, no click?

No.9

[ 04. August 2003, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: No.9 ]

 

OOOOPPPPPSSSSS.....

COMEDY IN SIGNALLING
During World War II, much of the signalling at sea was done with light and secondarily with radio. As a result, the sender would tend to be as brief as possible. The same would apply to messages sent by CW. Some of this brevity can be best expressed in the sample stories which follow.....
A little armed coal burning trawler, the smallest ship in a convoy escort off the coast of Scotland, was investigating an underwater contact. The large flag fluttering from her foremast attested to this fact. This small ship was hardly moving through the water while probing the depths with her primitive ASDIC. Then her hoist went close-up to the yard-arm indicating that she was attacking with depth charges. On the bridge of another ship, someone gasped "My, God, at that speed she will blow herself out of the water". Suddenly, the ocean around the little ship erupted in towering fountains of water which hid her from sight. After what seemed an eternity, the little ship came into view. Her stern staff had disappeared - blown clean off; she had a list to port and her steering gear was damaged. Finally, she came to a stop with clouds of steam pouring out of the engine room skylight. Immediately, her signal lamp began to chatter, and everyone read the simple message as it spelled out : "I HAVE BUSTED MYSELF."

What could be shorter then the greeting flashed by the destroyer Restigouche whose pennant number was HOO to the auxiliary vessel bearing the identifying number YOO:

From HOO to YOO: "YOO HOO"
In another example of brevity, a number of senior escort officers, particularly those of the Royal Navy, developed the habit of sending signals which merely contained a biblical reference of chapter and verse. The recipient would have to reference his own Bible to clue into the message. This business of biblical signals became a great cult and it became necessary to keep a copy of the Bible on the bridge. A treasured example, was this signal sent by the C-in-C, Plymouth to a corvette towing a damaged merchantman:
"ROMAN EMPEROR IN TOW, BADLY DAMAGED, PLEASE SEND TUGS".
From C-in-C, Plymouth: "REVELATIONS CHAPTER 3 VERSE 11". (Translated - Behold, I come quickly; hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown).
Sometimes the shore authorities were out of touch with reality as evidenced by this message:

From Admiralty to destroyer: "PROCEED WITH ALL DESPATCH."
From destroyer to Admiralty: "REQUEST DESTINATION."
From Admiralty to destroyer: "ADEN, REPEAT, ADEN."
From destroyer to Admiralty: "AM AT ADEN".

Later on:

From Port Authority to Corvette: "WHAT IS ALL THAT LAUNDRY HANGING UP FOR."
Reply from Corvette: "SUBMIT, TO DRY."

http://webhome.idirect.com/~jproc/rrp/nro_ww2.html

 

Blimey KAI, I only read the Aden one a few hours ago myself in an old stories of the navy book...thats good timing..

One more..

During Phoney war on land, the Royal Navy was fighting anyting but a phoney war. RAF was bombing using Wellingtons to drop leaflets....Dont know how true it is but one crew got charged for dropping the leaflets still wrapped...didnt want to hurt anyone...

Royal Navy destroyer was at sea, U boat sighted on surface..dived..Destroyer goes to action stations.

First Leiutenant to captain...Shall we depth charge skipper?

Captain to First Leiutenant, no we ll send a diver down and stick some leaflets on it..course we ll .....! depth charge.

 

How to sing it a bit differently...

The Horst Vessel

"Die Fahne hoch, die Reifen fest geschlossen.."

The nasty version:

" Die Nase hoch, die Augen fest geschlossen..."

( Noses high up, eyes tightly closed...)

Unfortunately I only found this beginning part for the nasty version...

 

true exchange in the pacific between a british warship and an american warship passing at sea in WW2:-
US captain-"greetings to the second biggest navy in the world"
British Captain-"greetings to the second best navy in the world"

 

Tommy, slight error there, the exchange occured in a victory parade in London, a US admiral sent a message to the British admiral in the parade saying 'how does it feel to command the second navy in the world' to which the British admiral responded 'good, how does it feel to command the second best navy in the world?'