Who can make the worst joke?

(we won't remember these if/when we need one!)

A young grad student went to a "brain store" (follow along and accept the parameter) to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular "brain store". He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for computer programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

 

On that topic:

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of drek?

A: The bucket.

 

Qo you know why sharks won't eat lawyers?

Arofessional courtesey.

 

Dang--I always get in trouble telling jokes.... :i_surrender:

 

You want lawyer jokes?!

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? A vulture can't remove his wingtips.

Where do lawyers keep their bank accounts? In litigation.

Its 99.9% of lawyers that give the other .1% a bad reputation.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a drug dealer? The drug dealer is actually going to give you something for your money!

When is a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff a tragety? When the driver isn't a lawyer.

What do you have went you have 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.

A lawyer is getting out of his Lexus when it is sideswiped by another car. The police arrive and the lawyer says "someone sideswiped my Lexus and took off the door! Track them down and arrest them!" The police officer says "But sir, your right arm is missing! Isn't that more important?!" The lawyer looks at where his arm should be and exclaims "Damn! They took my Rolex as well!"

A lawyer is walking down the street. All of a sudden he drops stone cold dead! Next thing he knows he's standing in front of St. Peter. The lawyer asks "What I am doing here?" St. Peter answers "You just died." The lawyer says "But, I'm only 28 what did I die of?!" St. Peter answers "Well, according to your billable hours you are 127 years old. You died of old age...."

 

If were going to be more scholarly than gentlemanly, then the correct spelling will be 'scatological' !

Now if you were a say a Portageeland native I'd understand, but...

 

P.S. : Watch it, he means no shiite !!!

 

Wow...I've seen good ones and i've seen bad ones (mostly bad )

Q: Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road?

A: It saw a KFC at the other side

 

Oh BTW, I decided to make this thread after reading Kai-Petri's "World's oldest Jokes thread" so thank you Kai-Petri for giving me this idea!

 

You´re welcome, Boros!

Jokes are great, they always make the day better!

 

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs

A: Ground Beef

 

I ran my first two 'worst' jokes by the missus, and she suggests they're not really very nice, possibly getting us banned from the internet as well as just high-schools .

So turning more to the crap than the purely offensive, here's one from my 7 year old:

Why did the squid blush?
Because the Sea weed.

Cheers,
Adam.

 

Remember this?

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and reads:

Panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

 

RAM

 

Haha, the queue for that is already round the street corner!

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“Mummy,” says little Issy, “Why do bees have sticky hair?”
”Because they use honeycombs.”

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Little Abe was talking to his older brother Isaac.
“Isaac,” asks Abe, “why do bears have fur coats?”
Isaac replies, “That’s easy. It’s because they'd look silly in anoraks.”

 

I know the raunchiest joke of all time-the most off color ever, but I fear I'd be banned for saying it (no, it's not racial).

 

Q:What differentiates man and ape?

A:The table between us....